letoldthingsdie | IC Inbox faderift

Four Division heads, one of which is a rifter. Nine project leaders, two of which are rifters.

[ So the numbers are obviously not in their favor, there. ]

For a while there were two division heads that were rifters, and the people in Kirkwall were not happy. That's how the curfew ended up in place.

[ She looks back at Ben as he lays out the fatalist prediction, lips pressed together. ]

We aren't going to die. One way or another.

We're going to have to go with pure luck on this.

[ He shakes his head knowing that luck can go in either direction. Good or bad they were relying on odds that weren't in their favor. ]

I was wondering about the curfew for a while now and how that came about. Why are they so wary about the Rifters? What makes us a threat to them? Just by being unknown and unfamiliar. If the people of Kirkwall took time to get to know us, it would be such an issue.

[ That's the only thing that makes sense to him. There's plenty more frustrations but for now he needed sense in all of this mess. ]

We'll keep fighting if we have to. But we need to be careful.

You saw what fell out of the sky with you. They think we are the same thing. Demons and fade monsters. There have been efforts to foster communication that I’ve heard of but with tensions openly high and creating unrest I doubt the natives want to “take time to get to know us”.

[And the only reason he wasn’t joining in on all of Iorveth’s angry yelling is because of Rey. He looks to her now, hoping she can sense that much. He felt hopeless about everything else about all this but she was here. They could get through this somehow.]

A lot of them seem more afraid of us right now than openly hostile, but... there are people who are sympathetic towards us. We just have to keep showing them that we're people just like they are.

[ She can sense that Ben is holding himself back from the anger that other rifters are displaying because of her, and she appreciates it. She'd been doing her best to keep calm herself, but part of her wants very much to just go tear apart something with her hands. ]

If they are only afraid and not hostile, we may have a chance. It'll be better than just waiting and doing nothing. Being able to talk to the natives and sway them to our cause.

[ He looks to Rey first at the people line while glancing up towards Kylo Ren. ]

I'm sure treating others like people shouldn't be all that difficult for some of us. Thank you for telling me all of this, Rey.

[ There's a moment of where he looks down towards the floor. He's pretty sure there isn't anything else. ]

I don't think there was anything more and I think the discussion of what to do is coming to an end. If there isn't anything you need from me. I'll leave you two to your prior business.

[The look he shot Poe for his last attempt at a dig was lethal at best.]

Oh no, by all means. You sound like you have something that you want to get off your chest, Dameron. In the interest of unity, maybe you’ll feel better once you do?

[Yeah. They were definitely doing this.]

[ Rey grimaces at Ben's words, looking back at him with obvious distaste, before looking back at Poe. ]

We really don't have to do this now.

[ Poe could feel that anger bubbling and he grits his teeth together at Kylo Ren. By the Maker, he would have said something back. But this was also Rey's bedroom, and certain talks about invading minds can be left said later too.

Rey's words were true and sensible. He would keep his lips presses while puffing his cheeks a bit silently. For a moment he doesn't say anything but he puts his attention to Kylo Ren. ]

Next time we bump into each other I think that's when it can happen, if you still want me to get things off my chest. [ He would at least give him that while looking at Rey. ] I'll be going now.

[ Since all he needs to do is turn quickly while opening the door. He does so in a fluid motion and gives himself enough room to slide by the open space. Once out the door will shut close quietly. ]

[When Poe leaves again, Kylo takes a breath and seats himself against the edge of the desk, puffing his cheeks slightly and then blowing air out. He didn't want to look at Rey knowing he'd see only anger. When just moments before his blood had been pumping in his ears and her hands had been on him, he was expecting admonishment instead of affection. He knew he wasn't blameless, of course. He'd said things and when Poe said things back he'd had no problem driving it deeper.

He doesn't speak, though he debates whether or not he should leave her be. He'd come here to help her be less angry about this mess with the phylacteries and instead he'd let his own anger lash out around him, just as he always did. He takes a breath, chancing a glance to her face. He already had an idea of what he'd see.]

[ Rey watches Poe leave and heaves a sigh, turning to look at Ben. She's upset, but the look on his face almost chases that away. ]

Why did you have to be like that?

[ Almost, but not quite. She's really more disappointed than anything. She knows he's abrasive, accepts that he isn't always going to get along with people, but he seemed like he was deliberately trying to egg Poe on, and that frustrates her. ]

Is it enough to say that I hate him?

[But that wasn't quite right. He'd been angry from the minute Poe opened his mouth I think I know what I saw. The accusation in his words, the idea that Rey should be judged for choosing him - it made him angry. He knew better than to be protective of her. She was fully capable of defending herself be it with words or actions.

He didn't quite hate Poe. Merely hated the things he represented. Seeing him was a reminder of his mother.]

You heard him. You saw how he looked at us.

[And it was his fault. Anyone who looked at the two of them together would only ever be disgusted because of the monster he was.]

You can't hate him, you don't know him.

[ Rey shakes her head, walking over to her bed and sitting down, her shoulders tense as she looks back at him. ]

He just looked surprised. Then you didn't give him any chance to react like a normal person because you started right in with your claws out.

I can hate lots of people for lots of reasons. It's not terribly hard.

[He just didn't hate Poe for the reasons he wanted to convince himself of: Poe Dameron was a Resistance Pilot, Rebel Scum, an ant to be crushed beneath his boots. He'd lost men to the Resistance's antics. Those should all be the reasons he hated him, but they sounded hollow to him even as he decided upon them.]

He wasn't surprised. He was disgusted.

[Maybe he was only seeing what he wanted to see, but he'd heard the words and he couldn't shake them. No matter what he did or how he tried he was a monster. Even if he tried to keep peace within their small part of the Inquisition, he would be seen as a monster by the natives. If he tried to stay and make Rey happy, he'd be seen as a monster by the people who were supposed to care about her. More importantly, she would be too. He was convinced of that.]

Edited 2018-05-10 21:20 (UTC)

I'm guessing a lot of the reasons you have for hating Poe are reasons you could also apply to me.

[ She says it levelly, but she knows. They haven't really talked about their very large difference of opinions since he'd first arrived here. It had been easier to focus on other things. ]

He wasn't disgusted, Ben. Even if he was, what does it matter? I don't need his permission to be with you.

[ She can feel that upset in him, that people will only ever see him as a monster, that they might decide the same of her because of the company she keeps. ]

I don’t hate you.

[His response is immediate. He never hated her, not even when they tried to hate each other.]

You aren’t one of her soldiers. You’re with the Resistance but you aren’t with the Resistance. Not the way he is. You’re with them for the same reasons you clung to Han Solo and Luke Skywalker. You wanted to belong somewhere. Leia Organa makes you feel like you belong.

[That might not be a hundred percent true but for him it was. Thedas was different. She didn’t belong for a family she craved. She belonged for herself. That was probably more accurately her feelings too, but she wasn’t one of his mother’s soldiers.]

I’m afraid that you choosing me won’t be enough for you someday.

[He was afraid to admit he was afraid.]

I told Obi-Wan once that I can never go back to the Jedi, but it’s not just about that. Luke changed everything. I can’t go the same direction you want me to go because of it. If it means I look like an ass to Poe Dameron or whoever else I don’t care. If it means you- leave, then I understand.

[He rises to his full height again, feeling suddenly restless.]

Edited 2018-05-10 23:42 (UTC)

[ She has conflicting emotions here. Part of her wants to be angry that he discounts her belonging in the Resistance because she just wants to belong somewhere.

Pressing her lips together as she thinks of how to respond he admits his fear that her choosing him won't be enough for her. That changes her response as she exhales. Standing she walks over to him, reaching out to slide her hand into his. ]

I won't leave. I'm a little annoyed, but... I care about you, Ben. It doesn't matter to me if you don't like someone, we don't have to have the same friends. But given the situation we're in, it is better if you at least try to be civil towards him? Until this phylactery stuff has blown over.

[He nods in acquiescence to her request. He couldn't help the prejudice he feels towards Poe but he knew it was misplaced in the moment even when he'd made that first barb at him about the Resistance fighters who had died.]

I'll try. I'm sorry.

[He presses his lips together, slipping his fingers between hers.]

It's just- he showed up here and I've been angry just seeing his face and - it's a reminder. Having him here. You and I talked about starting over and letting all of it go and I haven't really done that. I probably haven't done anything you've asked.

[Which honestly made him a hypocrite, for all his talk of letting the past die. Sighing, he leans in to press a chaste kiss to her lips and straightens again. He wanted to hold onto this thing they were building together but he couldn't shake how many issues it had opened up just trying.]

So. [Did she want him to leave? He didn't want to ask.]

[ Rey doesn't miss the irony of him having trouble letting the past go. She however has been doing everything she can not to let things that have happened in the past come between them.

But she also knows that he's had civil conversations with Obi-Wan, that he hasn't tried to attack the Jedi since their first meeting. He might not think that he's done anything she's asked of him, but she also thinks he's made steps towards the light that he just can't see himself. ]

You've made an effort. If you hadn't, I don't think we'd be where we are, right now.

No, probably not.

[They'd come a ways from glaring at each other in an ice cave and trying to huddle for warmth. He'd come to crave her presence and approval in a way that scared him. It reminded him of how desperately he'd wanted his parents to see him.]

Do you want me to stay?

[He finally asks, fearing she might actually send him away and hoping she won't.]

[ She lets out a small laugh, reaching up to touch his cheek, her thumb stroking over his cheekbone. ]

Of course I want you to stay. I will always want you to stay.

[That laugh and the way she touched him were enough to make his heart skip a beat. He touches her in return, his hand mirroring her touch against his cheek with one of his own to hers.]

Good. [He wanted to say something more but couldn't find the words. His lips rub together as he tries to work out what words he wants to say but continue to be unable to find.]

Thank you. I was - [he chuckles a little too and it sounds strange in his ears. He wasn't good at laughing, he thought.] I was hoping you wouldn't send me back to my room. We were in the middle of something here.

[Something he's not sure she'd like to continue but he very much wanted to, now that she's said she would always want him to stay. He never got tired of touching her or hearing the little pleased sighs she made when he did.]

[ He might not think he's any good at laughing, but it makes her heart melt, every time she gets one of those rare smiles or awkward laughs, things she knows he doesn't share with anyone else. Her smile widens as she bites her bottom lip, wrinkling her nose at him. ]

You really want to keep going?

I'd rather have at least one good memory of today, after everything that's been discussed.

[If she wants to continue where they left off, that is. His hands drop to her waist none the less. The door was shut and no one was likely to come interrupt them again.]

If you want to.

[It was always up to her. Before he hadn't been in the mood, but he was spurred on by the butterflies she had put back into his belly, her smile lighting him up inside and making his chest feel heavy with warmth.]

[ She smiles, sliding her hand to the back of his neck to tug his head down to her level so she can kiss him. Her other hand slides up his arm, tracing along his bicep ]

So where were we, again?

[ She murmurs against his lips. ]

[He sucks in a breath when she surprises him by tugging him down to her level. His lips meet hers as readily as hers meet his. When she speaks, his hand moves to her jaw and his mouth drops to the other side of her neck.]

I'm sure you can refresh my memory.

[He turns his back to the bed, walking her with him to it while he sits at the end of it and looks up at her.]

I didn't think you'd want me to make a mess of your desk again.

[His brown eyes are alight with mischief and something more. He hardly ever comes into her room, preferring to let her keep her space her own. He had somehow started making his space theirs, so this was a different experience.

Gently, he coaxes her to sit with him, reaching out to touch her again once she does. He felt fumbling and awkward but was also used to kissing her and having some idea of where she'd want him to touch her.]

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