letoldthingsdie | IC Inbox faderift

[ She curls against him, wrapping one of her legs around his and tucking her head against his chest. Sighing at his touch she rests her cheek against his skin, listening to the steady beat of his heart. ]

Somewhere far enough away that they wouldn't know us and the Inquisition couldn't find us. Rivain, maybe. There isn't much of an Inquisition presence there. Though I'll need to learn how to swim.

[When her leg wraps around his, his hand drops instinctively to her thigh to pull her close to him. The other rubs circles into the soft skin between her shoulder blades.]

I can teach you how to swim.

[He tucks his chin to the top of her head, feeling almost at peace despite the topic of conversation.]

Hopefully no one in Rivain thinks to turn us in.

[ Rey smiles softly as he offers to teach her to swim, tilting her head to look up at him. ]

Araceli offered to teach me, too. She grew up on the water.

[ She imagines Ben must have too, at least so much more than she ever did. She'd never even booted up swim instruction simulations on her old computer, even though they'd existed. The skill had never seemed like something she'd need, she could barely imagine a place with a pool big enough for her to turn around in, let alone water so abundant that a human could swim in it. ]

I don't think they'd turn us in. Rivain seems more lawless than the rest of Thedas. It's somewhere where people go to disappear.

Mm. Well, I wouldn't let you drown either way.

[He smiles a bit, pressing a kiss to her lips as she looks up at him. He'd grown up near enough to lakes and mountains that he had learned at some point. He preferred being in the air to water, though. That was one thing he still didn't like about this place: no flying.]

Lawless and somewhere to disappear. That sounds like it would be perfect for two Rifters abandoning their post against the Inquisition's wishes.

[He'd meant to sound humorous but it instead sounded like a resignation to his ears. His entire understanding of the Inquisition had been turned on its head by all of this. He remembered getting information when he'd arrived, being told that all of this was voluntary and that the benefits would be well worth it if they helped. It had been two months and they were no nearer to getting home than they had when he arrived. Now he wonders if it had all been a lie, a rouse for the Inquisition to enslave them.]

[ She smiles into the kiss, a hand coming up to gently slide up his cheek. She knows he means that, and has felt it in more way than one. She may be (somehow) the calmer of the two of them, but in just as many ways he anchored her. ]

Maybe more than two, the way things are going around here. Hopefully it won't come to that.

[ It doesn't sit right with her, abandoning the Inquisition. But she can't stay with an organization that doesn't respect the independence of their people. People who were torn from their homes and helping the Inquisition because they seemed like the best shot of getting home. ]

[He wrinkles his nose a bit at the mention of 'more than two'.]

As long as the pilot doesn't walk in on us again.

[He gives her thigh a light squeeze, choosing to focus more on her pressed up against him than the memory of Poe walking into her room.]

[ Rey lets out a quiet laugh, nuzzling her nose against his. ]

You're the one who left the door open.

[He kisses her again, dragging his teeth over her bottom lip when he lets her mouth go again.]

I'll make sure I shut it next time. I wouldn't want anyone else to see you like this.

[His hand on her upper back shifts, fingers teasing the side of her naked breast that was still pressed against him where they lay in bed.]

[ She lets out a little squeak as his fingers tease the side of her breast, squirming away from his touch with a small laugh. ]

Oi! You've got to give a girl some warning before touching a boob.

[ The fact that she leans in to kiss him again after her extremely brief escape attempt shows she isn't all that bothered. ]

[He starts at her admonishment, his hand moving back to her back and a flush spreading on his cheeks. He would have laid there, gaping at her with his mouth hanging open, had she not followed it up with a kiss.]

Sorry.

[He kisses her back, his lips curling at the edges into a smile.]

Should I ask permission to touch you?

[Of course he would without hesitation.]

[ She hums softly in consideration, mouth still pressed to his, before giving her answer. ]

Depends on where you touch me.

Mm.

[He hums in agreement against her lips, not wanting to part long for something so mundane as talking.]

Next time I'll ask, then.

[He goes back to rubbing circles between her shoulder blades. smiling a bit apologetically.]

[ It's almost funny to her how so much circles back around to kissing between them, these days. If you'd asked her a few months ago if she ever thought she'd be overcome with the urge to constantly be kissing anyone, she'd have balked at the idea. But so much of her has come alive since she and Ben began this journey. ]

You don't have to ask every time. I'm just asking for a lead up. Touch my side before going for the boob, something like that.

[ She murmurs against his lips, words punctuated by pauses to press her lips a little more meaningfully against his. Talking while also kissing, another skill she's been exercising more. ]

[He can't help but chuckle at how serious she is about it. It's a legitimate request, of course, but the fact that they're talking about it at all is just so surreal.]

I can't help but misbehave a little. Sorry.

[Even when talking or moments when they part because one of them laughs or whatever it goes right back to their lips touching or their noses or their hands. He felt so touch starved that he hadn't even realized it until he was able to touch her - or anyone, for that matter.

His hand drifts back to her side, his thumb rubbing circles against her rib cage. It was his favorite thing to do, tracing his fingertips along her skin. Maybe if he did it enough she would instinctively be able to remember it no matter where he touched her.]

Edited (WHY IS DIALOGUE SO HARD) 2018-05-20 05:41 (UTC)

[ She kisses him softly, like they had before when they'd been fully clothed and just trying to distract one another. Certainly they'd distracted each other well. ]

I know, and I accept that part of you.

[ She loves all parts of him, every touch he gives her. She's spent her whole life avoiding touch, she doesn't want it to stop now. The thought of him touching her has lightened her days, and thoughts of this night would certainly help that lightness. ]

I love you, Ben Solo.

[He kisses her back instinctively, happily caught up int he moment. When she says that she loves him it pulls him out of it again and instantly his throat feels tight, his chest heavy with emotion.]

Rey. I love you too.

[He says her name as if he were gasping for air and she was the only one giving him oxygen. If it was anyone else, hearing his birth name would have struck him with irritation, with anger and resentment, but with her he only feels drawn in by her.

He swallows, trying his best to control the emotion that her profession of love has brought on in him. In his own way, this was what he'd been trying to say to her before in Snoke's throne room. She came from nothing and yet, while she was just a speck of life in the rest of the universe, she was everything to him. He'd wanted her to be with him so badly, even then, going so far as to beg her. Please.

Her very being burned brightly like a supernova and he loved her for it. Yet, he knew that for him to love anyone or anything was dangerous. His parents had loved him and Luke had loved him but it had only ended in heartache. He didn't want to believe this would end the same way.]

I love you... so much.

[His arms wrap around her, holding her against him while he buries his face into her shoulder. He hadn't realized how both painful and freeing it was to hear her say it to him until she finally did.]

[ There had been some indirect proclamations of love earlier, but there's no mistaking this and it makes her heart feel so full. She never would have expected this feeling, like everything is perfect in the universe.

She leans her head against his, closing her eyes as she gently strokes get hand over the back of his head, unable and unwilling to suppress the smile on her face. ]

I know.

[He had never felt more centered or at peace with himself. The fact that she loved him back, that he was even capable of loving her at all, made all the difference. For so long he thought perhaps he belonged in the dark, that his family legacy was all he would ever be. Now, it didn't seem to matter anymore. The galaxy he wanted her to rule with him was so far away.

Sighing, he presses kisses to her shoulder and up the side of her neck, his large hands moving up and down her back. She was warm, curled up against him in bed with her leg wrapped around him to keep the two of them connected skin to skin. He'd never get tired of feeling her skin against his as well as her breath, her hair - all of her.]

You're so lovely... so warm. I can't believe you're mine, that you want me at all.

[He didn't mean to sound so self depreciating, but it was an honest confession. His hand settles on her arm that was raised so that she could run her fingers through his hair. Besides her, he's fairly sure the only person who ever loved his hair this much had been his mother. It made him feel adored, having Rey touch it now and as often as she pleased.]

[ Rey turns her head so she can press her forehead to his, her hand in his hair settling into an idle pattern. She finds it strange that he feels unworthy of her, although she also understands it. She would have been disgusted at the thought, before their connection had given them a deeper understanding of one-another. But now, she can't possibly imagine anyone who would be her equal the way he is. ]

You don't give yourself enough credit. You're my other half, in so many ways. Our lives were imbalanced before because we'd never met. We're happy, now.

[He wants to protest that he's done several horrible things to her and people she cared about, that he doesn't deserve this, but it would mean denying her what she wants. He can't find it in himself to disappoint her again.]

We are. [He agrees, of course. He's very happy with her even if he knows he isn't worthy of it. It isn't just about her, but the wrongness he's always felt within himself and that feeling of not quite meeting expectations or fitting in where he should. It had caused him to be alone for much of his life, until her.]

Sorry, I keep... saying the same things over and over.

[And thinking them. He knows she can hear those too. He sighs, trying to let his shoulders relax and let himself relax into her touch and the closeness she's granted him.]

I am happy with you.

[He just needed to believe he was worthy of it. Baby steps.]

[ She hasn't forgotten what he's done. And she knows that as much as she wants it to, this, them being together, doesn't erase those things. But she also knows that those things he's done torture him. If he were truly evil, full of darkness and as beyond help as Luke had thought him, he wouldn't ache at the thought of his father. ]

You can keep saying them. Until it feels natural.

[ She may be frustrated with him at times, but she's also patient. She kisses him, once on his cheek over his scar, then again on the lips. ]

You deserve to be happy.

As long as you don't get sick of me saying it.

[He gives her a bit of a crooked smile, his mouth pressing back against hers when she kisses him. Somehow he was learning that there could be different kisses between them - not always full of passion or leaving him with barely contained need. There were simpler feelings that a kiss could convey: contentment, harmony, joy. For a moment he just looks at her, his eyes awash with love and his mouth parted slightly in a relaxed 'O' shape.]

Maybe. [Maybe he does deserve to be happy. He knows it's what his father would want, even if he didn't deserve it after what he'd done. He hadn't been sure he could come back from it until now. Rey being willing to put it aside helped even if he felt envious of her ability to just settle into this with him and let herself be happy.]

[ Sometimes his expressions are difficult to read. He tends to keep things close to his chest, and while he certainly exploded at times, there were other times when he could be close to boiling but outwardly calm. It helps that she has an insider track to his mind, but she doesn't need to use their bond to see what's in his eyes now. Just like she doesn't need a mirror to know that the love in his eyes is reflected in her own.

She kisses him again, before pulling back and smiling at him. ]

Definitely.

[ She punctuates the word by kissing him on the forehead, before retreating completely from him and getting up from the bed, looking around the floor before she finds his discarded shirt and pulling it on. Once she's a little less exposed she climbs back onto the bed, settling next to him again. ]

You're not as bad as you think you are.

There's still... a lot that I can't make up for.

[At least he's made up for the things he's put her through, in small ways. He doubted everything else but his path with Rey seemed so much more clear than it had a few months ago. Yet put him back in their galaxy and he didn't know that this would be there waiting. He still felt lost.]

Things I've done on Snoke's orders. You may not see me as bad but the things I've done certainly aren't good either.

[He props himself up on one elbow when she settles again, his free hand settling on her waist.]

This is good. Really good but I don't want to forget that I've killed hundreds of people without batting an eye.

[He grimaces, realizing he's doing it again. Turning everything into some a list of reasons why Rey shouldn't choose him, why she'd be better off.]

Mm.

[He shakes his head, some dark shaggy curls falling into his eyes as he does. He's tired of constantly thinking about it and yet - if he doesn't remember what he's done, who will? He realizes that when these thoughts come up, his own darkness pollutes whatever light has come inside of him by being around her. His worst nightmare is that his moods, his negativity, will turn her off and make her want to leave.

Yet he knows. She's waited a long time for her family. She was good at waiting and fixing broken things.

Will you wait for me too?

He doesn't ask aloud, but he looks at her and searches for her hand to hold in his larger one. He felt better when they held hands, even if doing so in public had embarrassed him at first. He didn't want to be afraid of this like he was every other aspect of himself.]

Edited 2018-05-22 04:00 (UTC)

[ She listens to him as he spirals, one arm pillowing her head, her brow furrowed. This battle within him isn't something she can do more than be a reassurance that it isn't the end-all be-all. When he seeks out her hand she laces her fingers through his. ]

I was waiting for you before I knew who you were.

[ Squeezing his fingers she shifts closer to him, resting her forehead against his and closing her eyes. ]

You don't need to make up for everything you've done. That you want to... It says so much of how far you've come.

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